Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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