I'm lost and stupid without you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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