We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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