Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize