White coat. Heels.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
