I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
