For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
