I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
