the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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