i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
