New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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