I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
