I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
