Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
