K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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