i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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