In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
