i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
