Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
