I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
