As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
