And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
