u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
