I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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