im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You can't just leave with hair like that
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
