Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
