This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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