Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Alive.
So much puke
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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