Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
