Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize