i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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