from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's blow job season.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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