I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
