in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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