If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
