from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
