it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize