we should wear snuggies to the strip club
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
