If i come over, it means nothing
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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