i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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