We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
