6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize