escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
