I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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