you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
