hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
