if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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