I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
