i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
