Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
