My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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