It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
