I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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