Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
