A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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