If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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