if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
