can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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