i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
