I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
