Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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