he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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