It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
