You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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