...so i touched it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
