there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
did i just pee glitter
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
