Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
