Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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